I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
