kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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