My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
