I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize