I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
