I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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