Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
