I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
