why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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