i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
