I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
