he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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