Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
