I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
