all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
