I want to have your abortion
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.