how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.