Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?