She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something