His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.