I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful