Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??