Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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