the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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