she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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