were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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