he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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