you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
