weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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