and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
