erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
