Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
