just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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