I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
