best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
