Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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