The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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