I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
