I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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