Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
