I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
