before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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