sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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