Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
