dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
