i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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