That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
