your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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