Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
