i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
