I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
