I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
