Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
