Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
handjob tips. give me some.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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