I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.