my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.