oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.