I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.