Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
