Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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