The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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