I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
