What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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We had sex on a dog bed..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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