Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
