We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
