You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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