I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
