Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
