the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
