I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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