he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
