If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
